fun:tekst
Table of Contents
Blinkenlights
Mangled pseudo-German version:
ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS! Alles touristen und non-technischen looken peepers! Das computermachine ist nicht fuer gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fuer gewerken bei das dumpkopfen. Das rubbernecken sichtseeren keepen das cotten-pickenen hans in das pockets muss; relaxen und watchen das blinkenlichten.
Fractured English version:
ATTENTION This room is fullfilled mit special electronische equippment. Fingergrabbing and pressing the cnoeppkes from the computers is allowed for die experts only! So all the “lefthanders” stay away and do not disturben the brainstorming von here working intelligencies. Otherwise you will be out thrown and kicked anderswhere! Also: please keep still and only watchen astaunished the blinkenlights.
A version updated for the Internet:
ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS! Das Internet is nicht fuer gefingerclicken und giffengrabben. Ist easy droppenpacket der routers und overloaden der backbone mit der spammen und der me-tooen. Ist nicht fuer gewerken bei das dumpkopfen. Das mausklicken sichtseeren keepen das bandwit-spewin hans in das pockets muss; relaxen und watchen das cursorblinken.
Source:blinkenlights
Universal Crackpot Spam Solution Rebuttal Form
Your post advocates a ( ) technical ( ) legislative ( ) market-based ( ) vigilante approach to fighting spam. Your idea will not work. Here is why it won't work. (One or more of the following may apply to your particular idea, and it may have other flaws which used to vary from state to state before a bad federal law was passed.) ( ) Spammers can easily use it to harvest email addresses ( ) Mailing lists and other legitimate email uses would be affected ( ) No one will be able to find the guy or collect the money ( ) It is defenseless against brute force attacks ( ) It will stop spam for two weeks and then we'll be stuck with it ( ) Users of email will not put up with it ( ) Microsoft will not put up with it ( ) The police will not put up with it ( ) Requires too much cooperation from spammers ( ) Requires immediate total cooperation from everybody at once ( ) Many email users cannot afford to lose business or alienate potential employers ( ) Spammers don't care about invalid addresses in their lists ( ) Anyone could anonymously destroy anyone else's career or business Specifically, your plan fails to account for ( ) Laws expressly prohibiting it ( ) Lack of centrally controlling authority for email ( ) Open relays in foreign countries ( ) Ease of searching tiny alphanumeric address space of all email addresses ( ) Asshats ( ) Jurisdictional problems ( ) Unpopularity of weird new taxes ( ) Public reluctance to accept weird new forms of money ( ) Huge existing software investment in SMTP ( ) Susceptibility of protocols other than SMTP to attack ( ) Willingness of users to install OS patches received by email ( ) Armies of worm riddled broadband-connected Windows boxes ( ) Eternal arms race involved in all filtering approaches ( ) Extreme profitability of spam ( ) Joe jobs and/or identity theft ( ) Technically illiterate politicians ( ) Extreme stupidity on the part of people who do business with spammers ( ) Dishonesty on the part of spammers themselves ( ) Bandwidth costs that are unaffected by client filtering ( ) Outlook and the following philosophical objections may also apply: ( ) Ideas similar to yours are easy to come up with, yet none have ever been shown practical ( ) Any scheme based on opt-out is unacceptable ( ) SMTP headers should not be the subject of legislation ( ) Blacklists suck ( ) Whitelists suck ( ) We should be able to talk about Viagra without being censored ( ) Countermeasures should not involve wire fraud or credit card fraud ( ) Countermeasures should not involve sabotage of public networks ( ) Countermeasures must work if phased in gradually ( ) Sending email should be free ( ) Why should we have to trust you and your servers? ( ) Incompatiblity with open source or open source licenses ( ) Feel-good measures do nothing to solve the problem ( ) Temporary/one-time email addresses are cumbersome ( ) I don't want the government reading my email ( ) Killing them that way is not slow and painful enough Furthermore, this is what I think about you: ( ) Sorry dude, but I don't think it would work. ( ) This is a stupid idea, and you're a stupid person for suggesting it. ( ) Nice try, assh0le! I'm going to find out where you live and burn your house down!
oldest piece of "equipment"
oldest piece of "equipment" (Score:5, Funny)
by MoreDruid (584251) <moredruid@nOsPam.gmail.com> on Thursday May 28, @02:38PM (#28127397) Homepage Journal
is just as old as I am... I just needed a long time to know how to work it.
Re:oldest piece of "equipment" (Score:5, Funny)
by Anonymous Coward on Thursday May 28, @02:55PM (#28127775)
I just needed a long time to know how to work it.
I assume you are referring to that useless "dongle" between your legs?
Re:oldest piece of "equipment" (Score:5, Funny)
by vigmeister (1112659) on Thursday May 28, @03:31PM (#28128595)
Useless until he figured out the protocol for the handshake.
Re:oldest piece of "equipment" (Score:5, Insightful)
by sexconker (1179573) on Thursday May 28, @03:43PM (#28128817)
The handshake protocol is easy, the peer finding is the tricky part.
Re:oldest piece of "equipment" (Score:5, Funny)
by ObsessiveMathsFreak (773371) <obsessivemathsfr ... m.net minus city> on Thursday May 28, @03:55PM (#28129035) Homepage Journal
Beware of viruses when making connections to untrusted hosts!
Re:oldest piece of "equipment" (Score:5, Funny)
by BarryJacobsen (526926) on Thursday May 28, @03:58PM (#28129093) Homepage
Beware of viruses when making connections to untrusted hosts!
Viruses are something that can be dealt with - unintentionally spawning new processes is another matter entirely...
Re:oldest piece of "equipment" (Score:5, Funny)
by myz24 (256948) on Thursday May 28, @04:13PM (#28129367) Journal
As a parent, you're allowed to kill your children. If you do not wait for your children they'll become zombies and if you die, your children will be adopted by someone else. Maybe you should finger the user before making a connection.
UNIX is full of great metaphors and such....
Re:oldest piece of "equipment" (Score:5, Funny)
by nick_davison (217681) on Thursday May 28, @08:44PM (#28132913)
Forget about fingering, they won't even let me sniff their ports.
Placing blame
Re:Patch available – don't panic (Score:2, Interesting)
by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 21, @10:53PM (#37801410)
How about blaming vendors whose shitty software isn't supported on newer/patched versions of JBoss, who effectively lock sysadmins into running a specific version of known vulnerable software?
Or how about blaming the Business user for rewarding the vendor by going out and purchasing said shitty software, failing to involve IT at any point in the process, signing the contract, and then (and ONLY then) telling the sysadmin, “Hey, here's the new WhizzBang 2000 software that I just unilaterally purchased and need implemented yesterday. Oh, by the way, you need to implement, support, and own this. Budget? What budget? Servers? Storage? Training? Documentation? What are those? JUST MAKE IT WORK! OMG! How hard can it be? What else are you going to do? You don't have a life anyway.”
No, I'm not bitter or anything.
Source: Comment Patch available -- don't panic with story Slashdot - New JBOSS Worm Infecting Unpatched Servers
Sun of Jabberwocky
'Twas midnight, and the Unix hacks Did gyre and gimble in their cave. All mimsy was the MicroVax And the backups not saved. "Beware the JabberSparc, my son! The flaws that hang the memory cache! Beware the broken pipe, and shun The frumious system crash!" He took his virtual sword in hand; The manxome code he single-stepped - Then linked some C in a binary tree, And paused a while in grep. And as an object class he browsed, The JabberSparc, with bytes of flame, Came whiffling through the usr space, Umount'ing as it came! Oh-one! Oh-one! And through the Sun, The virtual sword went awk-and-yacc! He made it stop; with push and pop, He overflowed its stack. "And hast thou crashed the JabberSparc? Come to my arms, my beamish spawn! O frabjous kludge! It's much too huge To let it go to cron!" 'Twas midnight, and the Unix hacks Did gyre and gimble in their cave. All mimsy was the MicroVax And the backups not saved.
Sources:
fun/tekst.txt · Last modified: 2018/01/13 21:32 by bas
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